The first word that comes to mind when thinking of newborns is EXHAUSTION. Having a newborn is one of the leading causes of sleep deprivation; just ask any new parent. It doesn’t matter if it’s your 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 7th baby, it’s all the same. Baby E is no different. Let me share some of my experiences with newborn sleep as I manage my new reality with a newborn as a pediatric sleep consultant.
I have a full 12-page Newborn Sleep Guide filled with the best advice to get your newborn sleeping and sleeping well. Let me tell you, being in the thick of pure exhaustion again has reminded me of my #1 rule about newborn sleep: In the first month do whatever you need to do to get some sleep and survive! You can still set the foundation for healthy independent sleep, but if you need to hold the baby for a nap, that’s fine. If you need to use a soother to help extend a nap, you do you, boo. Having a newborn and 2 other young kids at home, I am in survival mode.
Read on to see my 3 main goals to help your new baby sleep.
Follow wake-feed-activity-sleep
I have a lot of new moms come to me saying they want to stay away from having a strict schedule with their new baby. I totally get it! As a mom of 3, between preschool drop-off and trying to get out of the house, I do not have time to follow a rigid schedule with baby E. I choose to focus on following wake-feed-activity-sleep. With this schedule, I can plan my day around when my baby naps.
Working with children in daycares for the last 10 years has taught me that babies and children thrive on predictably. You don’t need to have a strict routine, but following a predictable pattern helps in all areas of newborn life. Feeding the baby immediately after the baby wakes up ensures the baby is fully awake and ready to take a full feed. Additionally, moving the feed away from the start of sleep reduces the likelihood that the baby will develop a feed sleep association, which is just a fancy name for a sleep prop. I’m not saying don’t ever feed your baby to sleep. Heck, I have done it a few times this month, but making sure it’s not happening for every feed is the important part.
Be careful with sleep props
What is a sleep prop? It is anything that baby thinks they need in order to go to sleep. Sleep props include a soother, feeding to sleep, and movement/rocking. As I previously stated, in the first month do whatever you need to do to get some sleep, but use sleep props with caution. Sleep props are a great tool to get some sleep now but in the long run, you will inevitably end up getting less sleep. Rocking your newborn to sleep is sweet and a great bonding experience but rocking your 30lbs toddler multiple times a night is less than ideal.
It is ok to let your baby sleep with a soother, but if it falls out, try not to replace it each time. In the middle of the night, I occasionally let baby E fall asleep with a soother and take it out once I know she is asleep. This cuts down on her potential to become dependent on it.
Try for the first nap and first stretch of sleep to be independent
Gently encouraging independent sleep even from the beginning is a great way to avoid all sleep training in the future. I personally am not able to have baby E sleep independently in her crib for every nap during the day. I have preschool drop-off/pick-up and a ton of other things to do during the day. I always plan to have at least 1 nap in her bassinet independent from props each day. Ideally, the first nap of the day is best. The same goes for the nighttime. If you can’t have independent sleep throughout the entire night, try for the first stretch of sleep to be independent and free from props.
A lot of people have the judgment of what I do as very strict and cold. I cuddle my babies using the occasional sleep prop but understand that there must be balance in everything we do. I feel knowledge is power. Know better do better is my philosophy.
I had no clue what I was doing when I had my son in 2017, I was exhausted using a ton of sleep props so I could just get another hour of sleep so I could zombie my way through the day. When I had my second child in 2019, I learned so much about sleep by reading a ton of books and researching everything under the sun (which ended up helping me a lot when I became a sleep consultant). I was then able to find a gentle way to help my daughter learn independent sleep from the beginning, so I never had to remove a sleep prop through sleep training. I was able to be well-rested and enjoy motherhood a lot more. I have been doing all of the same things I did with my 2nd baby and although they are different babies with different temperaments, we have already seen some great success with baby E. By setting these key foundations, you will be well on your way to getting 10 hours by 10 weeks. I for one am really looking forward to getting more sleep.
Kattie is a certified pediatric sleep consultant with a background in early childhood education. She has a passion for educating others on infant-toddler development. As a mother of 2.5, she understands the struggles some parents face with understanding sleep patterns and healthy sleep habits. It is Kattie’s mission to help aid in the struggle all moms face: sleep!
